Getting Back on Track

The title should tell it all. I am off the beaten track. Derailed. Knocked off my square. Plodding along....you get the idea.

Ok, let me just get this part over with before I start making excuses. Today I stepped on the scale and it read 190.2. *OUCH*. I thought about lying or at least omitting my weight but to be dishonest with myself is the worse thing ever. So, I realize I need some help, here.

Hence, I am back at the blog, which, hopefully for me at this entry no one reads *smile*. No, that is not fair. I need to be honest about this weight loss journey, not try to make myself look good no matter what.

I can not believe its already March and a lot has happened.

First off, this working thing. So not happening for me now. I am not getting enough sleep and that has really affected my weight. I have been so tired that I can't always get myself together to do anything. Its been cold and I can't get out to run so I have, at least, been introduced to Comcast On Demand and Jillian Michaels. I like working out with Jillian, but I will be honest---and Lord knows I never thought I would be saying this--it does not give me the same satisfaction as running.

Luckily, its getting warmer and I can take Maxwell out to go running when I can convince myself that five hours of sleep really is enough on which to exist.

Life has been crazy around here.

Working from 6pm-12am has taken its toll on me. I have to admit something to myself that I don't like to admit....I really am not Superwoman. Tim said it best that I "work" all day taking care of Max while Noodle is at school, taking care of our kids full time and part time, making dinner, taking care of a household is a lot of work. I didn't realize how much until I started working outside again.

I understand that women do this all the time and if it had been a job with traditional hours that would have been a little different.

Whatever the case, the job is going by the way side next week and I will be happy to be home once again. I feel as if I am on a treadmill and not the kind that helps you lose weight.
I see how very easy it is to get away from what makes you successful in any endeavor. The difference is, while this time I am dissappointed in how I have allowed things to progress in the past three months I am happy that I am not letting it dibilitate me to the point where I have the "whatever, man. I may as well just bag this" attitude I had in the past.

For example, I did not want to make my appointment with Dr. Boe and have to tell him I got pregnant at eight months out (and again in January that also ended in a very early miscarriage. I don't even know what THATS about) and that my weight loss has all but stopped. He was more understanding than I thought he would be and filled me some more.

My weight is due to my poor food choices and eating late at night and believe it or not, not consumming enough quality food. I have already identified one of my triggers as eating when I am tired as if that is going to stop me from being tired instead of just getting more sleep. And boy have I been tired. Nope, not excuses, just realities that I am going to have to find an effective way to deal with is all.

Easier said than done, my friend.

What is the point of therapy through blogging if I am not going to be honest about it? Its better than paying my copay and lying to a therapist LOL

So here I sit, committed once again to being healthy and on track and blogging daily to keep me honest. Having said this (it has taken me three hours to write this between running after Max, reading him books, attempting to pick up the living room and making doctor's appointments for the boy) I am going to put on something in which to run and go to the wildlife preserve to run and show Maxwell signs of spring. It won't be long now.

Until the Next Time,
Your Recovering Fat Girl
Mikki